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Dark Horse Comics: A Goon Christmas

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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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NARRATOR: Marley was dead.
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There is no doubt whatsoever about that.
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SCROOGE: Cratchit.
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CRATCHIT: Sir?
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SCROOGE: What do you think you're doing?
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CRATCHIT: I'm stoking up this fire, boy.
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It's colder than a polar bear's butt in here.
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SCROOGE: Give me that.
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Coal costs money, Cratchit.
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Perhaps if you paid more attention to the work that I
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handsomely pay you for, you wouldn't mind the cold.
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CRATCHIT: Handsomly paid, my eye.
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My best drawers got holes in the crotch.
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And speaking of getting paid, tomorrow's Christmas.
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I expect paid holiday vacation.
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SCROOGE: If I was to stop half a crown for it, you'd think
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yourself ill used, I'll be bound.
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Forget it.
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Besides, don't you have an invalid child that needs
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desperate medical attention?
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Don't do think you should work on Christmas for its sake?
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CRATCHIT: Oh, screw that.
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I'm making merry, aka getting real drunk.
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MALE SPEAKER 1: We is looking for the proprietor of this
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fine establishment.
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SCROOGE: I'm Mr. Scrooge.
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MALE SPEAKER 1: Merry Christmas to you, Mr. Scrooge.
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SCROOGE: Merry Christmas?
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If I can work my will, every idiot who goes about with
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merry Christmas on his lips should be boiled with his own
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pudding and buried with a stick of
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holly through his heart.
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He should.
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MALE SPEAKER 1: He's a sick little bugger.
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Let's break his legs.
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MALE SPEAKER 2: No.
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We gots to get money for them poor peoples first.
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Business before pleasure.
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At this festive season of the year, sir, it is more than
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usually desirable that we ought make some provisions for
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the poor and destitute who suffer greatly.
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Hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts.
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What can we put you down for?
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SCROOGE: Have you no shotgun shells?
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MALE SPEAKER 1: Yeah.
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As a matter of fact, we gots quite a bit of shotgun shells.
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SCROOGE: And what about the rivers?
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MALE SPEAKER 2: There is a big river up the way there.
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SCROOGE: Then shoot the fast ones and drown the slow ones.
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